Management is aware of rumors circulating in employee break areas regarding shortages in the labor market. Employees and contractors are cautioned to remain mindful of fart dot horse policy memorandum 107-21F, “Coercive Retention Program” before making unwise career decisions. Derogatory or embarrassing information in employee personnel files, health records, and surveillance footage remains the property of fart dot horse and may be used at the company’s discretion to meet attrition objectives.
Employees, contractors, and inmate laborers who provide credible intelligence on impending labor actions or resignations may be eligible to receive Morale Credits. The value of Morale Credits grows as the business grows. Additional Morale Credits may be allocated to business growth as needed. Contact your productivity module lead for information.